Earlier this year Bill Simmons wrote my favorite column in a long time. He asked why sports fans don’t talk about PEDs more. How we can pretend they aren’t a problem anymore, despite all the bulging evidence to the contrary. How its possible that we can ignore the warning signs in this modern sports culture. I think there is a simple answer, and its also the answer to a broader question that I’ve been asking myself recently. Why don’t we have more real conversations?
As a culture we don’t talk about politics, religion, or our true feelings. Actually, it’s worse than just not talking about them; we go out of our way to avoid and replace them. Last month I wrote about a very real conversation that millions of people are actively not having right now. We argue about who is lying in their campaign promises, instead of which ones we’re actually hoping they’ll fulfill. The closest thing that we have in this country to an open dialogue about religion, is the fact that we’ve all agreed its ok to make fun of Scientology. We’ll talk about whom famous people might be screwing, but not ourselves. TMZ has built an empire on this voyeuristic and vicarious relationship that with have with celebrity’s visceral experiences.
In a lot of ways, who you vote for, who you pray to, and who you want to sleep with are the only three questions that matter. The answers to these questions inform who you are at your core. So why don’t we talk about them?
That’s the bottom line. We’re terrified of the answers to these questions. When it comes to Simmons' questions specifically, there are lots of different reasons why we want to keep our heads in the sand. Maybe you don't want to know if the hometown hero that’s leading the first winning team in a generation is a dirtbag, or maybe you don't want to explain to your kids why their favorite player is having this press conference. I think one thing that we have in common is the desire to believe in the impossible. We want to say that we were alive when the greatest athletes of all time were competing, that we saw the best hitter in history. We want to believe that a man in his forties can compete with rookies. We want our athletes to be invincible, and we don't care if they're getting a boost until someone forces us to know.
This fear of what we might find out is why we don't ask our friends the real questions. We know them in a certain context, and we’re afraid to break that image. We worry that learning our drinking buddy votes for a blood red ticket, or sometimes pictures us naked, will change the way we look at them. We're scared that it isn’t possible to have a rational discussion about any of these real issues, and something will be said that can’t be unheard. The problem is, that's a totally rational fear. It’s not like asking for some constructive criticism on your book report; it’s a much more delicate scenario. We don't want to know if our friends are pro-choice, or against the death penalty, or only like Ke$ha ironically. We feel that we are defined by these preferences, and have been conditioned to believe that people with opposing viewpoints must react like oil and water.
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| Zero irony. Seriously. You may not be able to hear my tone here, but trust me... this is honest, glitter coated love. Source. |
But fear is responsible for so much more than silence among peers. Fear is what keeps us up at night, it leads to passive aggressive tweets, and really bad poetry. It’s the reason kids graduating from college dread sending out resumes, or why grown-ups who already have jobs don’t ask for a raise. It’s what keeps parents from having “The Talk” with their kids. It’s why you don’t look up how many calories are in pizza. Deep down we believe that Jack was right when he screamed, “You can’t handle the truth!”
The most horrifying "truth" that we avoid is rejection. I’ve been absolutely paralyzed by fears I’ve had about my career, my social circle, or the people who mean a little bit more. Nothing could be worse than hearing the words “you aren’t good enough”, “you aren’t worth it”, or “I don’t love you”.
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| Aside from spiders... nothing is worse than spiders. Source. |
We always fear the unknown, that's why fear is the ultimate argument for keeping the status quo. It is the bedrock upon which an army of clichés have been built; most famously, “Ignorance is bliss”. This phenomenon of such willful ignorance in the information age is what Simmons was talking about. We all have to face the future eventually, but we don't like being reminded of that. We love seeing athletes fight off Father Time, because our fear of death is one of the strongest that we'll deal with in our lives.
FDR put into words just how dangerous this emotion can be with his famous declaration, "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself." We lose control over our lives when our fears start to make decisions for us. Fear allows bullies and tyrants to rise. It keeps us from traveling, from trying new foods, or talking to the prettiest girl in the room. It's the reason we have to ask "what if?", instead of knowing what "it" is. Fear can keep us from living a full life, the life we deserve.
This is the part where the optimist in me wants to write a couple of inspiring, Jeff Winger-esque paragraphs, about how it's time that we all faced our fears. I'd tell you that if we tackle these issues with the love and support of those around us, we can work through anything. But that would be disingenuous. The truth is that we will all struggle with this crippling emotion across many different arenas, and to varying degrees. The human desire to conquer fear has been the subject of movies, albums, novels, and epic poems. Unfortunately, no matter how loudly you're blaring "Eye of the Tiger" in your headphones, when it comes down to it we all have to face our demons alone. Other people can inspire you, but no one can make you be brave.
This is the part where the optimist in me wants to write a couple of inspiring, Jeff Winger-esque paragraphs, about how it's time that we all faced our fears. I'd tell you that if we tackle these issues with the love and support of those around us, we can work through anything. But that would be disingenuous. The truth is that we will all struggle with this crippling emotion across many different arenas, and to varying degrees. The human desire to conquer fear has been the subject of movies, albums, novels, and epic poems. Unfortunately, no matter how loudly you're blaring "Eye of the Tiger" in your headphones, when it comes down to it we all have to face our demons alone. Other people can inspire you, but no one can make you be brave.
You're the only one who can decide that you want to take everything that you're entitled to from our short time on this planet.
Machak’s Six Mix:
Cracked Article of the Week is here to make you feel warm and fuzzy again, despite my prickly prose.
Meme of the Week is because I finally saw Crazy Stupid Love.
Text From Last Night of the Week is the definition of true friendship.
Song of the Week is because I got comp’ed tickets to the P!nk concert last week, and she blew me away.
Random Fact of the Week is somehow strangely disappointing.
Surprise Awesomeness of the Week is my best friend of 20 years joining the internet. Check out his “Two Truths and a Lie” series, and see if you can guess which one didn’t happen.
