If it ain't broke... well it is broke so nevermind.

The longer I’m writing this blog, the more apparent it will become that the majority of my thoughts focus on one of three topics: women, superheroes, and sports. Today, we’re talking about the latter. We are less than two weeks away from the start of college football season, and Geno Smith’s glorious march to an unexpected Heisman trophy.

I had flag football with this man last semester. Source.

As much as I love the sport, there are a few HUGE problems with the way it is played and governed. My biggest issue is with the bowl system and our lack of a playoff, but that rant will have to wait for another week. Today we’re staying topical, and discussing all the issues that have dominated the news the last few weeks. As a hater, this has been a fantastic off-season for me. I have despised Ohio State and Miami since before Jimmy Johnson started hocking extenze. Even though I’m thrilled that “The U” and “THE Ohio State University” (seriously, their alumni wouldn’t sound like bigger asses when they say that if they were farting elephants) are the two schools getting nailed in the headlines, I can’t help but worry about the underlying issues that lead to their demise.

In case you’ve been under the proverbial rock, let’s do a quick review. Ohio State lost it’s head coach, starting quarterback, and more, because a few players were trading autographs and memorabilia for cash and tattoos. More importantly, the head coach knew about it and didn’t tell anyone. Just this past week, we found out that one Miami booster has bought student athletes everything from prostitutes to abortions over the last decade. Since all of this information just came out, we don’t know what the punishment will be; but there is a definite possibility that Miami could be getting the “death penalty”. The “death penalty” is a slang term for the NCAA banning a sport for one season or more. Miami will only get the “death penalty” if it can be proven that the people in power knew what was happening, like at Ohio State. The bigger issue is that whether they were aware of it or not, the problem existed, and I think we’re foolish to pretend that it only existed at Miami.

Clearly, the home of all evil. Source.

Therefore, in the spirit of ESPN’s recent “Blueprint for Change”, I’m going to tell you my plan to try to shrink this problem, if not solve it. The way I see it, the problem stems from two main factors: the temptation is too great, and the rulebook is too thick. Let’s tackle temptation first, because I believe if we can make it so these kids aren’t taking extra money out of need, but are doing it out of greed, the issue will shrink considerably. There are two different numbers when you talk about student athletes going to college: their scholarship, and the cost of attendance. Their scholarship covers tuition, books, university fees, and room and board. Cost of attendance includes things like parking permits, course fees, library fines, and graduation fees; as well as normal extracurricular activities, like eating fast food, drinking, or going to a movie. The difference between a scholarship and true cost of attendance is anywhere between three and six thousand dollars, depending on where you go to school. While that might seem inconsequential when compared to tuition, remember that being on the football team is essentially a full time job. There’s no time for them to earn any extra cash; that makes it that much harder to say no when someone is offering them free money. So the first part of my plan is to give college football players the true cost of attendance for their scholarship.

Next, let’s talk about jerseys. If you go to Morgantown on a Saturday in the fall, you’ll see thousand’s students and alumni wearing a Mountaineers jersey with the number five on it. Many of them will buy a brand new number twelve jersey this year. Just like Pat White didn’t see a penny from the sale of those number fives, Geno Smith won’t get a taste from the number twelves. The coach’s argument against giving the players a cut of jersey sales is that it will splinter the team; but since quarterbacks and other “skill players” get more girls in high school and get paid more in the pros, I think the linemen are used to the class difference. It shouldn’t be a huge piece, but let’s stop pretending the athletes don’t deserve something for the sale of their jerseys.

Do you think I just liked the number 10?

Next up, let’s talk about the deal the NCAA has with EA sports, because it’s a JOKE. I couldn’t find any official numbers on what the NCAA gets from EA, but whatever it is, it’s not going into the player’s pockets. The fact that EA is getting away with claiming they aren’t using these kid’s likenesses boggles my mind. While it’s true that the game does not include pictures or names, all the in-game avatars have the same numbers, race, and athletic abilities as the real players. In the first two weeks NCAA Football ‘12 was on the shelves, EA made roughly $42,000,000 in sales. I don’t know how big a cut the players deserve from that, but it’s damn sure more than the 0% they’re raking in now.

So at this point in my plan we’ve given the players enough money that no one should NEED to take extra cash on the side. Now for part two, we need to fix the rule book. I’m not saying that any of the offending coaches or players didn’t know what they were doing was against the rules; there are people whose whole job is making sure everyone knows what the rules are. What I am saying is that some of those rules are stupid. We need to take all of the ambiguity out of possible punishments, and make it so that the risk of getting caught is not worth any cash reward. The way it works now, the NCAA decides suspensions and other penalties on a case by case basis. That’s how AJ Green can lose half a season for selling one game worn jersey, and Terrelle Pryor sells all this stuff and still ends up getting to play in the Sugar Bowl.

We’re very disappointed in you… clearly. Source.

In my plan there will still be the minor and major infractions from the current system, because there is a difference between getting a sandwich and getting a car. However, the seeming randomness of punishment will be a thing of the past. A minor infraction costs you one game, a major infraction you’re gone for the season, and three minors equal a major. Coaches and players will be under the same system, and coaches forfeit pay for games during which they are suspended.

The last piece of my puzzle requires the co-operation of the NFL. The other big scandal the NCAA dealt with last season was at UNC (another one of my least favorites, seriously the only way it could have been better was if Pitt were to get embarrassed… o wait) where several players were ruled ineligible after receiving gifts from an agent. In my plan, the NFL would bar any agent caught providing improper benefits to college kids from signing new clients for four years.

So that’s my plan to try to fix college football… or at least this particular issue facing the NCAA. I realize there are pros and cons to all of the things I’ve outlined; honestly I don’t even know if that part about the agents would be legal. Let me hear it in the comments! Would this plan work? Would it be better than what we have now? Worse? Do you have any ideas? Tell me how you really feel.

Machak’s Six Mix

Cracked Article of the Week Carly Simon squeezes more genius out of her biggest hit.

Addicting game of the Week when I was in elementary school we had a game called jezzball that was a lot like this game. Boom… more pointless facts from my life to float around your brain forever, enjoy.

Text from Last Night of the Week definition of “I’m my own worst enemy”.

Song of the Week no defining song from my life this week, so we’ll go with one of my old favorites.

Random Fact of the Week first one to bring me a blue lobster wins a prize.

Surprise Awesomeness of the Week I warn you there is a crazy amount of vulgarity in this, but it’s outweighed by the hilariousness.