As promised, here is the breakdown of where most of your favorite heroes fall under my theory:
“Heroes you wish you could be”
The Flash – The fastest man in the world. Growing up a fat kid, I spent a looooot of time imagining I was him.
Wolverine – Borderline invincible, world-class badass, enough said.
Thor – GOD OF THUNDER…. GOD!
Deadpool – The Merc with a Mouth, his popularity has really spiked in recent years. Same healing ability as Wolverine, same wise ass comments as Spider-man, and he knows he’s in a comic book. Anti-hero that breaks the fourth wall, awesome.
“Heroes you think you could be”
Captain America – If Dr. Dumbass had written down the formula before the Nazi’s shot him we’d all be super soldiers right? Wrong, Steve Rogers was a great man before he got the juice. Whatever, go watch the movie cause I want it to get a sequel.
Iron Man – See Batman, but if he put his money into way cooler tech.
Green Lantern – Same deal as Cap, you could be Earth’s Lantern if only the ring chosen you. Except you couldn’t, that’s the whole point. Hal Jordan was an exceptional human being with an unbreakable will.
Green Arrow – See Batman/Iron Man, but with a terrible PR campaign.
“Heroes you actually are”
The Incredible Hulk – Like I said in the column, there’s lots of people who can relate to a man who cannot contain his rage.
Hawkeye – He’s a lesser known hero, but will soon be very popular due to his inclusion in the Avengers. He has no superpowers, just dedication to honing his skills. He struggles with character judgment, and often makes rash decisions.
Scott Pilgrim – Video game/music nerd that spends all day chasing a seemingly unattainable woman. Come on now… this is you.
The Thing – He’s one of the most powerful characters in the Marvel universe, but constantly feels shame and awkwardness about his appearance.
SUPER DOUBLE BONUS MATIERAL
Here’s a little more analysis since you waited so patiently for this update.
“Heroes that you’re better than”
Ant-Man – He’s a woman beater and his power is shrinking. Oh yeah, and his name is Ant-Man.
Silver Surfer – This is different, because his powers are actually awesome. The problem is he has to use them to find planets for Galactus to eat. What’s the point of being a superhero if you’re a slave?
Ghost Rider – Same as the Silver Surfer, but works for the Devil instead. Soooo lots of intellectual theft in the superhero community huh?
All of the Watchmen – Superheroes are supposed to be inspiring, not depressing.
If none of that could spark the comment section, maybe this will:
My personal Top 10 list of Superheroes.
1. Spider-Man
2. Iron Man
3. Captain America
4. The Flash
5. Batman
6. Superman
7. Green Lantern
8. Deadpool
9. Daredevil
10. Wolverine
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